Words and Music by Dottie Burman

I'm feeling ill. I cough and I wheeze.

I take a pill. I'm sniffling and I sneeze.

The doctor tries to assure me:

If I come into his office, he has drugs to cure me.

I'm feeling low. I look such a mess.

I dial the weather to see how I should dress.

I hear a message repeat:

"Wind and rain and heavy fog

And snow and ice and sleet.

And have a nice day, really, have a nice day."

She can't be serious.

"Have a nice day, truly, have a nice day."

I think I'll sue if I hear it one more time.

"Have a very nice day.

Have a very nice day."

My doctor takes one look and he's through.

He says, "You've got a bad case of the flu.

Your lungs are very congested.

Go check into the hospital where you'll be tested."

I take a cab. The weather is worse.

The taxi stalls. The driver starts to curse.

The meter's ticking away.

When he finally gets me there, he has the nerve to say:

"Have a nice day, lady, have a nice day."

He smells of garlic.

"Have a nice day, lady, have a nice day."

I think I'll faint if he says it one more time.

"Have a very nice day.

Have a very nice day."

I can't stand it. I wish it were banned,

That coercive command.

If someone in the hospital says, "Have a nice day,"

I'll say, "No, I won't!"

They sign me in to room three-o-three.

I'm not alone. My neighbor loves T.V.

She keeps it constantly blaring.

My food is late, and how I hate this gown I'm wearing.

It's been a week, but I'm leaving soon.

I'm checking out tomorrow afternoon.

The nurse is dimming the light.

Then, although I know that it is ten o'clock at night,

She says:

"Have a nice day, sweetie, have a nice day."

She must be tired.

"Have a nice day, sweetie, have a nice day."

I think I'll scream if I hear it one more time.

"Have a very nice day.

Have a very nice day."

The morning comes. I dress and I pack.

I hurry home. It's so good to be back.

I take my key from my pocket.

What rotten luck, the door is stuck, .

But I unlock it.

There's been a theft! They took every piece!

There's nothing left. I quickly dial police.

The sergeant answers the phone:

"Just be glad they didn't come when you were there alone,

And have a nice day, madam, have a nice day."

He must be crazy.

"Have a nice day, madam, have a nice day."

I think I'll kill if I hear it one more time.

I really will, even though it is a crime.

Throw me in jail! I don't care! It's just that I'm

Sick of,

PAUL

Dottie

DOTTIE

Yes, Paul?

PAUL

"Have a nice day!!"

DOTTIE

Ahgggggggg(scream)!!!!!