The Songs

Click on the titles below for lyrics to Dottie's songs.


For licensing information and lead sheets, contact the SETNOR School of Music, Syracuse University 900 S. Crouse Ave., Syracuse, NY 13210 or contact Patricia Norcia at 860-669-4244 or email her at [email protected].

Get a Mammogram
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


They say the world is divided

Into two kinds of women.

Do you know who they are?

Well, here's the answer.

There are those who have got

And there are those who have not

And don't want to talk about

Breast cancer.


Now if you've go…

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Age Discrimination
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


It was forty years ago right on my birthday

That Benson Brothers Sporting Goods had hired me.

Every year they praised my work as office manager.

Then on my seventieth birthday, they fired me.

So I thought to myself, "…

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Catered Divorce
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


You'll have a lovely catered divorce

At the nicest new hotel in town, of course!

All your friends and relatives will come to share the day.

You know they'll all be pleased, they never liked him anyway.


We'll pose you for a photo…

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Do You Know Where Your Children Are Tonight?
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Chorus:


Do you know where your children are tonight?

Are they runnin' into trouble or gettin' in a fight?

Maybe they're just doin' fine and spendin' time together.

Do you know where your children are tonight?


When Johnny was a …

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Don't Get Me Started
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


Do I miss him?

Not a bit.

Except each morning when I wake up,

That's it!

Oh yes and every night

Before I go to bed

I close my eyes and he's there inside my head.

Don't get me started.


Do I miss him?

Not at all.

Excep…

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Goin' Fishin'
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


It's daybreak

On a misty country lake.

I'm floatin' along in my rowboat.

Feelin' fine.

Castin' my line.

I'm

Goin' fishin'.


It's mid-day

As I dream the hours away.

I'm floatin' along in my rowboat.

Haven't caught one

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Have a Nice Day
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


I'm feeling ill. I cough and I wheeze.

I take a pill. I'm sniffling and I sneeze.

The doctor tries to assure me:

If I come into his office, he has drugs to cure me.

I'm feeling low. I look such a mess.

I dial the weather to see h…

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If I'm Not For Myself
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


If I'm not for myself, who will be?

But if I'm only for myself, what am I?

Why can't I be for you and for me,

If I try?

If I'm not for myself, who will be?

But if I'm only for myself, what then?

What a lonely little l…

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I'm Doin' The Best I Can
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Well I'm doin' the best I can.

I'm doin' the best I can.

It's a bumpy trip

And I often slip

But I'm doin' the best I can.


My doctor has suggested

I better lose some weight, so

I measure every portion

I am putting on my plate.

I'…

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I'm In Love With My Computer
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


Note: Version for men to sing is put in parentheses


After years of looking for a steady lover

I have finally had it with the world of men.

(I have given up on women once again.)

The ones who still are married,

Or nev…

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'm So Glad You're In My Life
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


I can always sing solo.

You can sing a solo, too.

But the sound we get

When we sing a duet

Is better yet.

Isn't that true?

When I sing the melody

And you harmonize the song,

A special blend

We make my friend

As we sin…

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I Never Come to These Places
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


I'm very pleased to meet you.

My name is Barbara Schramm.

I think your nametag's slipping

And I see your name is Sam.

The singles scene is not for me.

I enjoy a concert more.

So I never come to these places,

I've never been here …

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Indoor Woman

Words and Music by Dottie Burman


My big romance is over.

I know it's for the best.

He tried to change the way I am

It got me so depressed.

I'm ready now to meet somebody new.

A man who'll say, "I love authentic you."

I think I know the perfect way

To find my Vale…

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In My Happy Home In Hohokus

Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


I have a handsome, huggable husband.

He tells me business is great!

He's so ambitious to make it grow,

He often comes home late

To our happy home in Ho Ho Kus,

Free from tension and strife.

Our happy home in Ho Ho Kus,

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I Sing to My Plants

Words and Music by Dottie Burman


My houseplants often died

Even though I tried

Vitamins and insect sprays,

Special lights for gloomy days.

Finally I found a way

To help them get along.

I sing to my plants

Or play each one a song.


I sing a calypso tune

To my pott…

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Is She Jewish?

Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Rick Cummins


I'll bet that some of you are looking at me,

And this is what you're thinking privately...

Is she Jewish?

She doesn't look it

With all those freckles and red hair!

She must be Irish!

An Irish Catholic!

Look at her pro…

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I Volunteer

Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Chorus

I volunteer! I volunteer!

It's the greatest way to get to help everybody here.

I volunteeer! I volunteer!


If you want to make a difference every day,

In the lives of other people far and near,

You can do it for the joy and…

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Jennie and Me

Words and Music by Dottie Burman



Jennie grew up

In the house next to mine.

We were good friends

From the time we were four.

Sharing our laughter

And sharing our tears.

Sharing our dreams

Of what life had in store.


Chorus:

Both of our houses

Seemed almost the sa…

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Let's Have a P.C. Holiday
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Let's have a PC holiday.

Where everything's politically correct.

To set the proper mood,

We'll serve organic food.

No cigarettes or alcohol

We know you won't object!


Let's have a PC holiday!

Be careful of the language you select.

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Liberty's Lament
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


INTRO: "If the Statue of Liberty could talk, this is what she might say to her psychiatrist."


Doctor, I'm glad you consented to see me.

I hope that the ride on the ferry was nice.

I count on your keeping our sessions…

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Look Back One Year

Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


When it feels like you're getting nowhere,

And the road looks long ahead,

And you're feeling stuck

Don't blame your luck

Try doing this instead.


Chorus:


Just look back one year,

See how far you've come.

Look back one…

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My Boss

Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Let me tell you about my boss.

She is very demanding. She said,

"Here's a project for you to do

Since the business is expanding.

We must reorganize the office.

You'll have two weeks to do it!"

Well that seemed like a reasonable

Le…

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One Step Ahead
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Chorus:

I'm stayin' one step ahead of

That lonely feelin'.

Doin' things to keep me runnin' free.

One step ahead! One step ahead!

But that loneliness keeps catchin' up on me.


Sunday mornin' dawnin', I'm up early with the sun.

Rea…

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Opening Numbers

Words and Music by Dottie Burman


Opening Numbers are murder.

They're the hardest to write.

In fact in the theater, they often are written

The day before opening night.

So I've written two opening numbers.

But I don't know which one to pick!

I know what I'll do,

I…

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Patient Penelope

Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Dottie Burman and Robin Fieldt


Let us look at Homer's tale of King Odysseus,

Who sailed from ancient Greece to fight the war in Troy.

He left his loving wife Penelope in Ithaca

To mind the castle and to raise their little boy.

He …

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Perfect Picture
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


Why was I drawn to him in the first place?

The answer is clear and easy to find.

When I first looked at him,

I knew that the look of him

Fit the perfect picture I had painted in my mind.


Why was I drawn to him in the…

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Push Me Out of the Nest

Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


I've often heard

When a baby bird

Is big enough to fly, but she's afraid to try,

The mother bird will find a time that's best

To give that baby bird a shove, right out of the nest.

I'm like that little bird up in a tre…

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Serious Love Songs

Lyrics by Dottie Burman, Music by Rick Cumminst


Maybe it's the headlines.

Maybe it's my age.

That voice inside is telling me

To turn another page.

Don't ask me why!

Don't ask me how!

Something in me haschanged,and now

Suddenly, I want to write serious love songs.

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Sharing a House
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


I was looking for a way to spend the summer.

So I checked the local papers for a plan.

There were travel ads galore

But what pleased me even more

Were the ads for summer shares the paper ran.

I had never shared a house before tha…

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Take a Musical Break
Words and Music by Dottie Burman


If your life has got you stressed

Making you feel so depressed,

Here's a cure that we suggest just

Take a musical break!


If you sing, then sing along.

If you don't, there's nothing wrong.

Sit back, relax, enjoy our song

And take…

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That's My Grandchild
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Rick Cummins


Here's a picture of my Sarah

At her second birthday party.

That's her mother, she's my daughter.

That's her Dad right next to me!

Everybody when they meet her

Says she's such a pretty baby

She could make a lot of mon…

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The Announcement (The Cell Phone Song)
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


Well, before the show begins may I suggest,

You listen very carefully to this request.(ring)


Please turn off your cell phone!

I know it is a swell phone.

But it's the phone from hell phone

When it rings throughout th…

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The Nightmare
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


 I was dreaming I am walking

On a wire that's suspended

From one side of the Grand Canyon to another.

And I use a balance pole

To try to keep my self-control,

As I put one trembling foot before the other.


Down below …

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Two Little Kids in a Sandbox
Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field


We could be

Like two little kids in a sandbox,

Taking off our shoes,

Wearing our old clothes,

Letting the time

Slip through our toes.


We'd be free,

Like two little kids in a sandbox,

Digging in the sand,

Carving out …

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When the Palm Trees Grow in Central Park

Words and Music by Dottie Burman



I am here today to encourage you

To join the new committee I am forming.

We call ourselves the New Yorkers who

Want to aid the rapid rise of global warming.

Think of all the benefits for you

When you support the manufacture of th…

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