Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field

Note: Version for men to sing is put in parentheses

After years of looking for a steady lover

I have finally had it with the world of men.

(I have given up on women once again.)

The ones who still are married,

Or never will be married

Or don't want to be re-married

Ever in their lives again.

I've decided no more dating,

No more searching.

I will focus on developing my art.

I've spent hours writing at my new computer.

Now a strange thing has happened to my lonely heart.

I'm in love with my computer.

A cuter computer I've never seen.

I like his style, so sleek and trim

That I'm quite irrestibily drawn to him.

(I like her style, so ang-u-lar

That I'm quite irrestibiliy drawn to her.)

And he's(she's) scotch, by gosh!

Yes, he's(she's) a MacIntosh.

So it's so easy to see why

He (she) is the apple of my eye

And I'm in love with my computer.

I'm so proud of my computer.

An astuter computer I've never known.

He's (she's)very wise, such common sense.

And his(her)big marvelous memory is immense.

And he's(she's) there for me.

He'll(she'll) always care for me.

He's (she's)my romantic paragon.

'Cause I can always turn him (her) on.

My heart has gone to my computer.

How I rely on my computer.

My personal tutor inspires me.

Last night I went to work with him.

Oh no, I saw his screen was dim.

(Last night I went to work with her.

Oh no, her screen was one big blur!)

Would my Mac survive,

Or had he(she) lost his drive?

Had a computer virus crept into his system?

I thought maybe I could save him if I kissed him.

(Would my love survive?

Or had she lost her drive?

If I ever lost my lover how I'd miss her.

I thought maybe I could save her if I kissed her!)

Well it worked! My dear computer,

My singular suitor returned to me.

I knew that he (she) would be all right

When he (she) hummed so contentedly through the night.

Well I'm still there for him (her).

And though I'll care for him (her).

I can't ignore his (her)woeful lack

That he (she) can never kiss me back.

I must admit my Mac is neuter!

So reluctantly I plan

To search again for a real live man

Although I'm still in love with my computer.

(I must admit the fact that she's neuter!

So reluctantly I plan

To find a real woman if I can

Although I'm still in love with my computer.)