Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Dottie Burman and Robin Fieldt

Let us look at Homer's tale of King Odysseus,

Who sailed from ancient Greece to fight the war in Troy.

He left his loving wife Penelope in Ithaca

To mind the castle and to raise their little boy.

He fought for ten long years and finally was victorious.

"Please send me safely home dear Gods," our hero prayed.

It took him ten more years to get back home to Ithaca.

Because somehow along the way he got de-layed.

The first de-lay was a nymph named Calypso

Who begged him, "Stay with me and have eternal youth!"

But he was strong he resisted Calypso.

He only stuck around for seven years forsooth.

The next de-lay was a witch known as Circe

Who tried to turn him to a pig to keep him near.

Her magic failed; he was free to leave Circe.

But he had a fling with her for one more year.

Meanwhile back in Ithaca

For twenty years Penelope

Was certain that her husband

Was alive and she would wait.

Although 100 suitors courted her

Penelope was faithful

And she sat and did her weaving

And she didn't have one date.

She was Patient Penelope! Patient Penelope!

She kept worrying Odysseus had drowned.

While she was Patient Penelope! Patient Penelope!

He was - - fooling around!

For long version, continue with Patient Griselda

Ending for short version:

If I were Penelope

I would have had a lover

If Odysseus suspected me

I would have acted dumb.

And if he said, "I missed you!"

I'd say, "What the hell do you think

You were doing with those women?"

And I'd leave the rotten bum.

So don't be a Patient Penelope.

It's permissible for you to be

Impatient! If you think your lover is a louse.

Although patience is a virtue

Too much patience can hurt you.

Don't wait! Kick him out of your house!

Long Version: Patient Griselda

Do you remember Chaucer's tale

Of young Griselda?

Though she was poor she was

Content with what she had.

In quaint Saluzzo, that's a lovely town

In Italy.

She lived a humble life and cared

For her old Dad.

The proud Marquis who ruled the town

Was wealthy Walter

Who chose to marry her

Because he thought it best

To lead a girl who would obey him

To the altar.

And in nine months he put Griselda

To the test.

The first test came when she had a baby

A little girl, but Walter took the child away.

"My child and I are your possessions," said Griselda.

"Do as you will and I will cheerfully obey."

The second test came when she had another.

A little boy, and Walter's paranoia grew.

So once again to prove her love he took the baby.

She said,"OK" so she passed trial number two!

Meanwhile Walter's sister in

A distant town was raising both the

Children, and for twenty years she

covered up with lies. One day

When they were grown, dear Walter

Brought them home to meet Griselda.

When she saw them she just smiled

And told them, "What a nice surprise."

She was Patient Griselda.

Patient Griselda.

She was loyal, with no ifs or ands or buts!

Yes, she was Patient Griselda! Patient Griselda!

And I think she was nuts!!!

If I were Penelope

I would have had a lover.

If Odysseus suspected me

I would have acted dumb.

And If I were Griselda I'd

Say, "What the hell da you think

You are doing with my children?!"

And I'd leave the rotten bum.

So, don't be a Patient Penelope,

Or a Patient Griselda. Be

Impatient! If you think

Your lover is a louse.

Although patience is a virtue,

Too much patience can hurt you. Don't wait!

Kick him out of your house!