Words by Dottie Burman, Music by Robin Field

Well, before the show begins may I suggest,

You listen very carefully to this request.(ring)

Please turn off your cell phone!

I know it is a swell phone.

But it's the phone from hell phone

When it rings throughout the show.

And please turn off your beeper

And your pager and your palm!

And then turn off the buzzer

On your handy wrist al-ahm!

And if you

Need a candy or a cough drop desperately,

Please unwrap it now,

And give at least one piece to me.

And remember there's no smoking.

I'm allergic! I'm not joking.

You wouldn't want me choking.

Anyhow, that is the law!

I'm sure you've heard these rules before

You're such a savvy crowd.

Remember taking photographs

Is strictly not allowed.

And all recording of this

Show is out of line.

But if you do these things, please note,

The copyright is mine.

I'd like your attention,

Cause I forgot to mention,

I favor noise prevention,

But some noise is really fine.

Don't turn off your laughter

Or applause, I'd be dismayed!

And please be sure you don't turn off

Your trusty hearing aid!

And now I've

Finished my announcement

So I'll go!

Thank you all for listening

And please enjoy the show!

(ring)

Shhhhhhhh!!